Frank Jokes / Recent Jokes
I've had it with my wife. said the one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce.""Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner. "May I ask why?""I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first."Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin.""It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago."
Tired of hearing how he was the greatest shot in the state, Frank bet Oscar that if they went in the woods, he could find an animal he couldn’t hit. Oscar’s ego was such that he accepted the bet willingly, and the next morning the two men went tramping through the woods.
Suddenly Frank spotted a squirrel at the top of a distant tree. The towering oak had to be a thousand yards away… beyond the range of his companion’s shotgun. “There, ” he said, “Hit that squirrel. ”
Taking aim, Oscar fired; an instant later the squirrel scurried down the tree.
Frank beamed, “Well ole pal, looks like you lose. ”
“Lose? ” Oscar declared. “You just witnessed a miracle. ”
“What miracle is that? ”
“A squirrel running with it’s heart shot out. ”
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism.
No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse."
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?"
Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
Editor's Note: Not really all humor, unless you consider grown men in tights slapping each others asses funny...
#1. Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
' Football is only a game.
Spiritual things are eternal.
Nevertheless, Beat Texas'
#2.' After you retire from football, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
#3.' The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#4.' When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama
#5.' Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
#6.' If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password,' Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama
#7.' A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre more...
Bill and Frank are walking in a field and they come across an old-fashioned well. Bill says to Frank "How deep do you think it is?" Frank says, "Let's throw something down and listen for the sound."
Frank picks up an old railroad tie and tosses it down the well. All of a sudden a goat comes galloping across the field and jumps in the well. "Did you ever see anything like that before?" muses Bill.
A few minutes later a girl comes up and asks if either of them have seen a goat. Bill explains "Well actually, we did just see a goat. It was the darndest thing. He just came running and jumped in this well."
"Oh that can't be my goat," she exclaimed with relief. "My goat was tied to a railroad tie."
Gay Frank goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says "Frank, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."
Frank is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
Frank asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it will teach you what your ass is for."