Logic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys who wanted to get a job at a computer company decided they'd
better get a college education so they could interact with intelligent
people, learn to read books, think, and be contributing citizens of the
global village.
They enrolled in the local junior college, and the first guy went in to
see his advisor, who said, "Randy, I want you to take History, Math and
Logic." "What's Logic?" asked Randy. "Well," said the professor, "I'll
give you an example: Do you own a weedeater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied
Randy. "OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a
yard!" "Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor,
"since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do! I
do!" exclaimed the boy. "And," continued the professor, "if you have a
house, you more...

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE..."What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about more...

Two Punjabi peasants got into an argument over which is more important to the world, the sun or the moon. They put the problem to their village panchayat. The elders deliberated over the question for many hours before the sarpanch (village head man) pronounced in favour of the moon in sound Punjabi logic:
'If there was no moon, we would not be able to see anything at night. The sun shines only during the day when we need no light.'

MALE LOGIC:
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them all to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money you gave me because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the 5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about the way that each woman had used the money.
He then decided more...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He may accompany it if he chooses to." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Natalie Cole, in response to Amy Winehouse's multiple Grammy win, said that Ms. Winehouse shouldn't have won due to her recent struggle with drugs. "...you don't get to just do your drugs and go onstage and get rewarded." If the Grammy voters based their vote on what Ms. Cole’s logic and only gave awards to musicians who never did drugs, Pat Boone would have swept every category from 1955… and that ain’t right.

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me more LOGIC -
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST more...