Outhouse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l,' cuz here's whatcha gotta do. One: Take out your penie-pipe. Two: Pull back the foreskin. Three: Pee. Four: Push back your foreskin. Five: Put your equipment back." The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!""Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said. I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' "Two-four, two-four, two-four......"

Maw is outside hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse."
Paw says, "All right, Maw." Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole."
Paw says, "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"
Maw says, "Well your gonna have to if you're gonna fix the problem!"
So Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and then hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."
Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck in the wood cracks in the seat!"
Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"

Maw is outside hanging up the laundry, when she sees Paw come out onto the porch.
"Paw," she yells, "git over thar and fix that thar outhouse!"
Paw walks over to the outhouse, looks it over and says, "Maw, thar ain't nuthin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
"Stick yer head down that thar hole, Paw," Maw says.
Paw puts his head down in the hole and says, "Maw, I still says thar ain't nuthin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Paw goes to lift his head and screams, "Owwwww! Maw, my beard's stuck!"
"Aggravatin', ain't it?" says Maw.

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?""Sure, more...

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You
need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma!
There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick your head in the hole to see what to
fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and
yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck more...

Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS XP with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic discn thangs. Other features: Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. OK = ats aww-right cancel = hail no reset = awa shoot yes = shore no = Naaaa find = hunt-fer it go to = over yonder back = back yonder help = hep me out here stop = ternit off start = crank it up settings = sittins programs = stuff at does more...

A special Arkansas edition of Windows XP has been developed. It is distinguished by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS XP, and has a a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver. Other differentiating features: The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse" My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption" Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys" Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard" Hard Drive is referred to as "4- Wheel Drive" Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs" Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN ARKANSAS EDITION: OK. . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right Cancel. . . . . . . stopdat Reset. . . . . . . try er agin Yes. . . . . . . . . yep No. . . . . . . . . . noop Find. . . . . . . . . hunt fer it Go to.. . . . . . . over yonder Back. . . . . . . . back yonder Help. . . . . . . . hep me out here Stop. . . . . . . . kwitit Start. . . . . . . crank more...