Pairs Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...
You’ve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything. The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the “ten items or less” lane. You’ve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents. You’ve found yourself discussing rain gutters. You remember your kid’s names, just not always the right one. You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector. Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold. You buy “age-defying” makeup and “antiwrinkle” creams and believe they work. You’ve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you. You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak. As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again. You’ve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic-“for more...
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone."He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there 'cause I figured ain't nobody 'bout to steal him."
A man comes in from work one day to find his newlywed wife sitting, looking very troubled.
“Whatever is the matter darling? ” he asks
“Oh dear, I don’t know how you are going to take this. ” she says, “but, well, you know how we have just got used to hearing two pairs of feet in this house. ”
“Ye-es. ” says her husband
“Well, what if I told you we could soon be hearing three pairs of feet? Would that make you happy? ”
The man jumps up delighted, “Oh of course my darling, of course! Oh this is wonderful news, so soon after our wedding too! ”
“Oh I am so glad” she exclaims and pecks him on the nose, “And so will mother be, when she hears you don’t mind her coming to stay with us! ”
An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies.
When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
"Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?"
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!"
"Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the more...
On the first day of Christmas,
My good friend sent to me,
A gecko in a flame tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true friend gave to me,
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the forth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas.
My true friend gave to me,
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape recorders.
And a gecko in a flame tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas
My true friend gave to me,
Six days in Hong Kong.
Five princess rings.
Four rolls of plastic.
Three air conditioners.
Two tape more...
An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies.
When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.
"Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?"
After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the three pairs of lines, and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: "But that is not nine!"
"Oh yes it is", said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a longer while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The more...