Puked Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunk is in the bar and crying uncontrollably.
The man beside him asks him what's wrong.
The drunk says, "I forgot what my wife told me, she said if I went out drinking again she'd divorce me and take the kids."
The man says, "Well don't go home yet. It's only 6 p.m. Walk it off"
The drunk replies, "GREAT IDEA!" Then he barfs all over his shirt, and now he is crying even more.
The man says, "Look... you got 20 dollars on you?" The drunk hands him $20. The man puts the bill in the drunk's shirt pocket and says, "When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk stumbled out onto the street, bumped into you and puked on you. And he gave you $20 for the dry cleaning."
The drunk is so happy now and heads home.
When he gets home his wife starts screaming at him. The drunk just says, "Honey I wasn't drinking. A drunk came out of a bar and bumped into me and then he puked all over me, then he put $20 in my more...

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn, ” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me. ”
“Not to worry, ” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill. ”
So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties? ” she asks.
The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too. ”