Ralph Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others - only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always more...

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his. daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19. 95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19. 95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19. 95, and Divorced Barbie for $265. 00". Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265. 00 when all the others are only $19. 95?" "That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's holiday chalet in Malibu and Ken's furniture."

Ralph and his friend were driving through town when they came to a red light. Cruising right through the red light, Ralph's friend expressed concern. "Don't worry," Ralph said. "My brother George does it all the time and he never gets caught."

Coming up on another red light at the next intersection, Ralph again went speeding right through. "Don't worry," Ralph assured his friend, "George does this every day and nothing ever happens to him."

At the next intersection the light was green and Ralph came to a complete stop.

"Why do you run through all the red lights and when we come to a green light you stop?" asked his friend.

"George might be coming through," replied Ralph.

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.

"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.

"Well," said the wife coldly, "You ARE planning to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you? "

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Ralph.
Ralph who?
Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! I'm a dog!

A man was so attached to his duck that he'd take it everywhere he went. One day the man went to watch a movie to the cinema.
Before he could go in, the cashier girl told him to leave the duck behind as to no one was allowed to take animals inside the theatre.
The man really wanted to take his duck with him. So he stuffed his duck inside of his pants and went in. The man found a seat to sit down and he began to watch the movie. After a while, the duck inside of his pants began to get restless. So the man opened up his fly and let the duck's head out of the pants.
Beside the man, there was a couple who's wife sat next to the man. Suddenly the wife whispered to her husband.
"Ralph, this man!" she said
"what is it??" said her husband irritated by the disturbance while trying to watch the movie.
"Ralph his penis!" grudged the wife.
"what!" said the husband annoyed at his wife
"Ralph his penis!!" said more...

Bob drops by a bar he used to visit when he was young and orders a drink. He hears a man call out his name but the only person at the bar is a beautiful blonde woman. Finally the woman walks over to him and says "Bob, it's me Ralph, your old high school pal".

Bob is completely shocked as he finally realizes that Ralph has had a sex change. Bob is curious about the change and asks Ralph if the procedure hurt much. Ralph says "not really".

Bob asks " well, when they pumped in the silicone for your breasts, that must have hurt didn't it?".

Ralph answers "no, that didn't hurt much". Bob asks "when they.. you know.. chopped off your willy, now that must have hurt!?".

Ralph thinks for a moment and says "no, that didn't hurt all that much. Bob is still curious and asks "well, was there any part of the operation that was painful?"

Ralph nods his/her head and says "oh more...