Swing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how's the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright."
Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"
Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."
And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"
He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls more...

Your Clothes -1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. -2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. -3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. The Baby's Name -1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. -2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. -3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points. Preparing for the Birth -1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. -2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. -3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette -1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. -2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard more...

RECOUNT DEMANDED BY METSNEW YORK (AP) --The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series. The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers," said the Mets batting coach. "We were confused by the irregularities of the pitches we received and believe we have been denied our right to hit." One claim specifically noted that a small percentage of the Mets batters had intended to swing at fast balls, but actually swung at curve balls. It was clear that these batters never intended to swing at curve balls, though a much higher percentage were not confused by the pitches. Reporters at the press conference pointed out that the Mets had extensively reviewed film of the Yankees pitchers prior to the World Series and had in fact more...

It was a warm, summer evening and Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing enjoying the night sounds.
Suddenly, without reason, Ma hauled off and cuffed Pa a good one right upside the head, causing him to fall off the swing.
Dazed, Pa pulled himself up and asked, "What the hell was that for?"
"That was for 30 years of bad sex!" Ma said. Without replying, Pa sat back down on the swing next to Ma.
After a few minutes of silence, Pa hauled off and smacked Ma upside the head equally hard, knocking her off the swing.
Dazed, Ma pulled herself up and asked, "What was that for?"
"That's for knowing the damn difference!" Pa growled.

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . more...

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them areplaying like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, hesays, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW" He hits the ball250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wifewith the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches herswing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, andTHUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about 15 more...

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: “How is the singing career going? ”
Stevie Wonder says: “Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how’s the golf. ”
Nicklaus replies: “Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now. ”
Stevie Wonder says: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright. ”
Jack Nicklaus says: “You play golf! ”
Stevie Wonder says: “Yes, I have been playing for years. ”
And Nicklaus says: “But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind? ”
He replies: “I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his more...