United States Jokes / Recent Jokes
The House will vote on Saturday to raise the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour. The raise would allow many Americans to quit their third job.
Boston Globe sports writer Ron Borges was suspended two months for plagiarizing. I'm hoping that no news organizations already used that same sentence.
Went on a first date with a girl. It was going great. Had dinner, listened to some jazz. Walked around the Village [Greenwich Village, in NYC] a bit.
We came across one of those storefront psychic places. The ones with the word "Psychic" in neon lights. Very original ad campaign. My date wanted to try. I figured why not.
We went in, sat down, and "Zelda" or "Hazlette" or whatever her name is started to read my date's palm. "Oooh, you're going to have a long life... you will be very rich... and the man of your dreams is already in your life-and his name begins with the letter "D."
Now, I was pissed. My name is Ray with an "R." And the rest of the night my date kept wondering, out loud, who this "dream man" might be. "Maybe it's David from the gym, or Derek from next door. Maybe Daniel from the travel agency?"
I got so fed up I told her, "Maybe it's Dick-MINE."
Date was more...
The University of Memphis reversed a long-standing policy banning beer from home football games. We suggest a new slogan: "Memphis Football: Finally Tolerable."
5 years after he unfurled a 14-foot "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner on a Juneau, Alaska, street, Joseph Frederick has a date at the Supreme Court in what is shaping up as an important test of constitutional rights.
The disappointment on Frederick's face was evident, when he finally understood bailiffs' explanation that "Supreme" meant'the nation's highest court,' and not'comes with sour cream & tomato.'
....in producing illiterate graduates.
Despite spending more than twice the national average per pupil, Washington DC's illiteracy rate is 33% versus 21% for the nation.
$11,269 per student really isn't much, says an administrator, it barely pays for the Ninth Graders' bitches.
The city of Beloit, Wisconsin held a symbolic funeral for the N-word, putting to rest the offensive term. The deceased is survived by his S.O.B. kids and his C-word wife.