United States Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Godfather of Soul, James Brown, died Dec. 25th of congestive heart failure. However his corpse is still scheduled to tour.
12.28.06 Apollo Theatre New York, NY
12.30.06 James Brown Theatre Augusta, GA

A sixty-year-old Sylvester Stallone stars in "Rocky Balboa", the sixth movie in the series. In this atmosphere of sequels to long-resting franchises, moviegoers can also look forward to "Die Hard IV: Dying of Prostate Cancer," and "Ghostbusters 3," in which the aging Ghostbusters return to Manhattan, only to discover that gentrification has pushed all the supernatural phenomena to Astoria.

On Saturday, 14 Saudi Arabians were released from the Guantanamo Bay detention center. "We can't wait to go home," said one. "Although as our wives are not allowed to drive, we have no idea who will pick us up at the airport."

Michael Phelps acknowledged that a photo of him smoking pot is authentic. The good news is that he smoked it a half second faster than the French.

By a vote of 5 to 4, the Supreme Court today rescinded Vice President Al Gore's Nobel Peace Prize and awarded it to President Bush instead.

Writing for the majority, Chief Justice Roberts stated that "President George W. Bush has done more than any person in the world to demonstrate what an elusive prize peace is."

Banks want to return $68 billion in bailout money to the government. They were upset at all the hidden fees.

Attempts to lure wayward humpback whales out of the Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta using an underwater'song' have so far been unsuccessful.

"We're obviously disappointed," said a Coast Guard spokesperson. "And maybe Sanjaya wasn't the best choice after all."