Vanilla Jokes / Recent Jokes

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.

"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.

Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"

"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just... erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

This is a REAL recipe for a rather tasty, but disgusting looking cake.



Ingredients:



1 18. 5-ounce package spice cake mix

1 18. 5-ounce package white cake mix

2 4-serving packages instant vanilla pudding mix

1 12-ounce box vanilla wafer cookies, crushed

6 to 10 Tootsie Rolls

Confectioner's sugar

1 brand-new kitty litter pan

1 brand-new plastic pooper scooper

Green food coloring

Plastic flies (optional)



Prepare the cakes and pudding according to package directions. Crumble the baked cake into the kitty litter pan, then add the pudding and mix. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of the cookie crumbs and set aside; mix the rest into the pan. Soften the Tootsie Rolls by placing in the micro- wave for 10 seconds on high and shape to resemble cat droppings. Arrange the Tootsie Rolls on top of the cookie-pudding more...

How to Make Cookies:
1. Make the batter with everything but the vanilla.
2. Walk to your nearest appliance shop.
3. Buy a telephone and walk home.
4. Call a friend.
5. Have her drive you to the airport.
6. Buy a plane ticket to St. Louis MO, USA (home is where the heart is).
7. Walk to a little shop and buy a little measuring cup.
8. Walk back to the airport (I hope you have good shoes, it might be a long walk).
9. Catch a plane home.
10. Measure the vanilla.
WAIT! You're a TSP. short...
11. Call your friand back, have her drive you to the airport again...
12. Buy vanilla.

Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not to exceed 1 (one)
pound. (See line 4.)
Line 2. Sugar, light brown or white, unless you or your spouse
had a financial account in a foreign country in 1990, in which case
dark brown sugar must be used. Do not substitute molasses or honey.
Use 1 (one) cup and adjust to taste.
Line 3. Eggs, six or half a dozen, whichever is greater.
Line 4. Semisweet chocolate, 6 oz. Nonfarm families may choose
the optional method of using cocoa powder. If you elect the Cocoa
Method, add 1/2 oz. (One Tablespoon) of butter to each 3
tablespoons of cocoa. Multiply by .9897 per ounce of substitution.
For adjustments to sugar, see pg. 29. Add total of additional
butter to Line 1 (above). Sugar adjustments should be reflected in
final total of Line 2. For additional details on cocoa conversion,
see Form 551.
Line 5a. Flour, white. If you were a federal, state or local
government employee, more...

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer."Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?" "No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just... erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.
"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

Woman in a restaurant: right, id like a scoop of strawberry icecream, a scoop of chocolate icecream, and a scoop of vanilla please!
Waiter: I'm sorry madam, it seems we have no choclate.
Woman: (sighs) then ill have a strawberry milkshake, vanilla milkshake and a chocolate milkshake please!
Waiter: I'm sorry we dont have any chocolate milkshake.
Woman: Fine. I'll have a strawberry shortcake, vanilla shortcake and a chocolate shortcake PLEASE!
Waiter: Madam, we have NO chocolate! tell me, please, is there the word 'van' in vanilla?
Woman: Yes, theres a 'van' in vanilla
Waiter: And, is the word straw in strawberry?
Woman: Yes, theres a 'straw' in strawberry.
Waiter: Is there a 'fuck' in choclate
Woman: Theres no 'fuck' in choclate
Waiter: THAT'S WHAT IV'E BEEN TRYING 2 TELL YOU!!!