Matrix Jokes / Recent Jokes

Log on: making a wood stove hotter
Log off: don't add no more wood
Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
Byte: what dem flys do
Chip: munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
Software: them plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
Main frame: holds up the barn more...

Gets his orders from another planet. Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section. Gets parity errors under load. Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle. Goalie for the dart team. God might still use him for miracle practice. God's favorite target for lightning strikes. Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter. Good at quantum tunneling but not much else. Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it. Got his brains as a stocking stuffer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference. Gyros are loose. Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. - attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether. Has a bus fault problem. Has a few wait states. Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing more...

We've heard the Redneck and Cajun versions - nor for Norwegian, yah?01. BYTE: how Lena stops Ole's advances.02. LOG ON: dats how ya make da vood stove hotter.03. LOG OFF: vhat Sven vas trying to do vhen he burnt his hands terrible.04. MONITOR: keep an eye on da vood stove.05. MEGAHERTZ: ven a big log drops on your foot.06. COMPACT DISK: vhat ya get from lifting logs dat's too heavy.07. FLOPPY DISK: vhat da lefse looks like vhen it's cooked yust right.08. RAM: da hydraulic ting dat makes da voodsplitter vork.09. DRIVE: how you get home ven da snow's not too deep.10. HARD DRIVE: dat's vhen you're going to Madison vhen da snow's deep.11. PROMPT: vhat ya vish da mail vas during da snow season.12. ENTER: vhen ya come on in!13. WINDOWS: vhat ya shut vhen it gets 10 below out.14. SCREEN: vaht ya gotta have in blackfly season.15. CHIP: vhat ya munch on during da Packer's game.16. MICROCHIP: vhat's left in da bottom of da bag vhen da big ones are gone.17. MODEM: vhat ve did to da hayfields more...

Log On: Making a wood stove hot
Log Off: Too much wood on a fire
Monitor: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
Download: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
Megahertz: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
Floppy disc: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
Ram: That thar thang what splits the farwood
Hard Drive: Gitten home in the winter time
Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside
Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season
Byte: Whut dem dang flys do
Chip: Munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: Whatcha do to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: Whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
Mousepad: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
Mainframe: Holds up the barn roof
Port: Fancy flatlander wine
Enter: Northerner more...

Log On:
Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off:
Don't add no wood.
Monitor:
Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download:
Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz:
When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk:
Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram:
The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive:
Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt:
What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows:
What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen:
What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte:
That's what the flies do.
Chip:
What to munch on.
Micro Chip:
What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared:
Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem:
What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix:
Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top:
Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard:
Where ya hang your keys.
Software:
Them plastic eatin' more...