Television Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man said. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!""Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

HBO has begun marketing its new shows with the slogan "We're Just Getting Started." This won out of the more blunt but less popular choice, "Please don't cancel us now that the Sopranos is over."

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men, and she asked him why they were there.Her grandson replied, "On television, they say,' The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set. "Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"
"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!" "Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

Television mogul Aaron Spelling suffered a stroke over the weekend. In his long career, Spelling produced "Starsky and Hutch," "Charlie's Angels," "The Love Boat," "Fantasy Island," and Tori the Spoiled Skank.

After it was revealed that detainees were slapped, kept naked, and forced to wear diapers, HBO announced that it had chosen Guantanamo Bay as the next location for its “Real Sex” series.

They are now putting to an end something called short selling. Which is when you borrow stock that you don’t own and sell it hoping it will go down so that so you can buy it back at a profit. This was legal, but pot smoking isn’t?

Bill Maher