Stand-Up Comedy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Adam Sandler turns 40 in a few months and the new father says he's ready to shift his focus. Sandler and his wife, Jackie, welcomed their first child, Sadie Madison, last month.
Sandler reports fatherhood is going well, but admits he is not sure if he will be able to answer all of the questions that inquisitive children will surely ask, such as "Why is the sky blue?", "Where do babies come from?", and "Why haven't you made a funny movie since Happy Gilmore?".

An Al Qaeda terrorist serving 18 years for his involvement in a plot to bomb London was taught how to be a stand-up comic at his top-security prison.
Evil Zia Ul Haq was enrolled in an eight-day “comedy workshop” at Whitemoor jail, along with murderers and rapists. The 18 cons were given lessons in stand-up, comic drama, improvisation and scriptwriting. Once they “graduated” they were due to get a certificate and display their new talents with a comedy show for fellow inmates and guards.
On Thursday Justice Secretary Jack Straw canned the "totally unacceptable" course. He also vetoed a plan by the Category A Cambridgeshire prison to set up its own comedy club.

I know comedians have anger issues, but this is ridiculous.

Jerry Seinfeld was involved in a rollover car wreck in the Hamptons.

He later told police, "I should have known that the brakes would break. I mean, they're called brakes. When I'm driving, I don't need irony. I need to stop. I mean, come on, what's the deal?"

Jerry and George convince Kramer to take part in their racist show.

...new studies show that a mother's diet can help determine the sex of a child...women who have a hearty breakfast laced with sugar were more inclined to have a son...women who consume a low energy diet that skimps on calories & nutrients are more likely to have a girl...and women who consumed both are likely to give birth to rosie o'donnell...

In the wake of the recent uproar over the racy Vanity Fair photos of Miley Cyrus, Rosie O'Donnell defended Miley's pictures on her blog.

"My closest friends and I looked at the pictures for hours," the prominent lesbian continued, "we're inviting Miley to join us on our Caribbean cruises."

"Star Jones has finally become the skinny bitch we always talked about!" Joy Behar commented on yesterdays episode of The View as a picture of the newly svelte Jones loomed in the background. "It's wierd, it's just friggin wierd" yelled Rosie O' Donnell, who was feeling refreshed and vigorous after hanging upside down for an hour in the greenroom to "help with depression" and "to swell up my tongue so that it feels like a shlong when I give my lady-friend cunnilingous through a Dunkin' Doughnut hole".