United States Jokes / Recent Jokes
Today Phelps admitted his Olympic achievement was not quite what he’d hoped it would be. He said the only reason he swam so fast was the Chinese Press assured him he had a chance to win “Oct” (eight) - “Pool” (swimming) – “Co” (team) – “Gold” (medals)… Oct-Pool-Co-Gold… Accapulco Gold… you can see the confusion…
Maybe it’s me, but hasn’t California been on fire for the last 10 years. Shouldn’t they have been burned down by now? I think we should penalize them for screwing up the ozone layer. Its ironic California is probably the most conservative State when it comes to protecting the environment and nature, but give them matches to play with and look out; they are like kids at a Bon Fire. California even has an on-line photo club called "California Fire Photographers Association." I propose we take away all matches from California and if they need to light one make it mandatory that someone from the East Coast be there to supervise.
Las Vegas's Bellagio hotel hosted its annual Pole-a-palooza competition, awarding a $10,000 first prize for the best shimmy-down performer. The event was affectionally called a "beat assignment" by journalists and patrons alike.
Outgoing U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan gave a farewell address in Missouri, where the audience was packed – perhaps with people trying to get their first glimpse of a black man.
Annan chose to speak at the Truman Presidential Library to contrast the presidential styles of Harry Truman, who ended a just war using the bomb, with George W. Bush, whose war ended up just bombing.
A career statesman, Annan used judicious language in his criticism of the Bush administration. Here then is a dictionary of diplomatic doublespeak:
When Annan said, “America must not sacrifice its democratic ideals while waging war against terrorism,” he meant, “The President is a douchebag.”
When Annan said, “No nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others,” he meant, “No seriously, he’s a douchebag.”
And when Annan concluded, “The U.S. has a special responsibility to the world because it continues to have extraordinary more...
SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A tour group of U.S. senior citizens fought off a group of muggers in Costa Rica, killing one of the assailants, police said Thursday.
"Nobody turns the channel when I'm watching All My Children, Nobody!" said Mrs. Charles Dougherty of Glenside PA.
Thank God Britney is safe from the California fires.
Looking back, according to the infamous paparazzi "no panties" photos of her... she was really in no danger.
Apparently, there was no "burning bush"
Barack Obama is expected to nominate Hillary Clinton to be his Secretary of State on Monday. It will be interesting to see how Hillary handles having a male boss. It will the first time she has been underneath a man since her wedding night.