United States Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dick, how many times do you have to be told--diet and exercise are the keys to a healthy heart.

Former President George W. Bush threw out the first pitch before the Texas Rangers' home opener. The Rangers went on to win the game, even though they had fewer runs.

The distraught granny told a local newspaper, "I can't understand it; I had no trouble obtaining a license when I lived in Florida."

The AP reported that Turkmenistan's authoritarian President Saparmurat Niyazov died of cardiac arrest. George Bush responded by accusing the AP of making up countries.

The current stimulus package before Congress contains tax breaks for purchasing a home and buying a new car. So I plan to get a double tax break by buying a new Chevy van and living in it.

The NCAA has accused Michigan's football program of five major infractions. Six if you count losing to Appalachian State.

Presidential candidates have been linked to be distant relatives of some famous people. Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie. Not to be outdone, it has been determined that John McCain is George Washington's uncle.