"Election Jokes from SL" joke

If a dog bites a man, they say, it is not news, but if a man bites a dog it certainly is. Well, yesterday this incident actually happened at the Pettah bus stand, Colombo. A man bit a dog. And this is how the different sections of the Sri Lankan press reported the event.

DAILY NEWS:
UNP THUG BITES A DOG
Yesterday, an innocent dog was bitten in front of a large crowd at the Pettah bus stand, by a man, who was later identified as a supporter of the opposition leader, Mr. Ranil Wickremasinghe. Daily News learns that the dog received only minor injuries but following the immediate intervention of the President HE Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunge, he was admitted to the intensive care unit of the Colombo General Hospital Canine ward. In a statement, President also condemned the attack and questioned how long the Opposition leader intends to maintain silence on the inhumanity and cruelty of his supporters over innocent animals.? We should take this act very seriously. This should not be the beginning of another terror regime of the UNP?, she said further. Ministers C. V. Gooneratne and Dharmasiri Senanayake visited the hospital yesterday evening morning to check the condition of the dog and said the victim is recovering fast.

SUNDAY TIMES:
DOG BITER IS NOT MY SUPPORTER - SAYS RANIL
Opposition leader Mr. Ranil Wickremasinghe yesterday vehemently denied the accusation of the government that the person who has bitten a dog at Pettah bus stand was one of his close supporters. Speaking at a large public rally held
at Batalanda, the opposition leader said he could not understand why the President always points her finger to him whenever a man bites a dog.' First she said that my brother's TV station supports me, then she said my uncle's newspapers support me and now she says a dog-biter supports me. All these persons, my brother, my uncle and this dog- biter are her, and not my, close confederates.' He added. Meanwhile Ms. Dulanjalee Jayakody in a statement said that her late father has nothing to do with this event.' I was shocked to hear the rumour that my father taught the man to bite dogs. There is no truth in that. My father always led an' Ahimsa' life style? She said.

SUNDAY LEADER:
PA POLITICO SILENT OVER THE CANINE BITE

Yesterday the nephew of the second cousin of the aunt of a powerful minister in the PA Government, very close to the President, bit a dog at the Pettah bus stand, allegedly because he did not like the dog barking. The culprit has come in a brown coloured three wheeler driven by a driver wearing a white coloured shirt and a blue checkered sarong from Shanti Vihar at where he had a lunch which included a Masala Thosai, a plain Thosai, Two Vadais, and Pol Sambol. The dog also had had a diet before the event and it included a piece of bread and piece of partially decomposed meat. As a result of this incident the dog has received severe injuries but so far neither the police nor the government has taken any action. The relevant minister also has maintained silence over the diabolic action of his aunt's second cousin's nephew. Free Media Movement yesterday issued a statement condemning the attack.' This clearly indicates the type of the media freedom we enjoy today. Can we genuinely believe the existence of the media freedom when an innocent dog is deprived of its right to bark in this inhuman manner?' it further questioned.

DIVAINA
LTTE SUSPECT BITES A DOG

An inoffensive dog belonged to a Sinhalese Buddhist was bitten by an NGO activist, yesterday at Pettah bus stand. The CID suspects the culprit to be a hardcore LTTE terrorist. This poses a serious question on the effectiveness of the security measures taken and shows clearly how LTTE terrorists can roam around the city freely, biting dogs, in spite of all the security checks imposed. In a statement Ven. Bengamuve Nalaka Thero identified this attack as a grave injustice to the Sinhalese Buddhists. If the minority communities start biting dogs, he argues, only cats will be left for the Sinhalese Buddhists to bite and this is very unfair to the majority. Prof. Nalin De Silva and Dr. Gunadasa Amarasekera also condemned the attack in a joint statement saying dog biting is against Sinhalese Buddhist Jathika Chinthanaya. Prof. Nalin De Silva also expressed his displeasure over the incident happening on an Ava-Atavaka poya day which is of foremost importance to the Sinhalese Buddhists.

RAVAYA
PROVINCIAL COUNCIL MEMBER BITES A DOG

Yesterday a harmless dog was bitten by a Provincial Council Member of the ruling party and Ravaya finds that this is the third time he has acted in this manner. On earlier occasions he has bitten a cat and a goat. This PC Member also runs three brothels and two wine stores and using his powers never let any competitor to start similar businesses in his area. He also has a 37 year old mistress and has given his official vehicle, a Pajero Intercooler (which was purchased at a cost of Rs. 34, 134, 52. 67 on 12/07/97 by the Provincial Council) for her private use. Ravaya also learns that there can be a caste issue behind this event as the dog belongs to a lower caste and the man is a Govigama Sinhalese Buddhist. The government so far has not taken any action as the PCMember happens to be a distant relative of the Attorney General. We standby our story and if the concerned PC Member can prove any of the above facts incorrect we at Ravaya are ready to handover the ownership of the Ravaya newspaper with all of its assets to him.