Stand-Up Comedy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Maher has hinted that he may be ready to marry, something he swore he would never do. Bill now feels he is ready because he has met the right woman, has plenty of money, and is tired of being happy.
Adventurer Sir Edmund Hillary has died at age 88. He was the first man atop Mt. Everest.
Big deal, there's been NO man atop Rosie O'Donnell.
"Eddie Murphy has reportedly told a Dutch TV station, that he is not the father of Scary Spice's child-to-be. Great news for people concerned with the coming of the Anti-Christ, terrible news for manufacturer's of silver bullets."
Breaking news: On Rosie O'Donnell's first episode of "The View," Tom Cruise is going to be a guest. Instead of the couch, Tom is going to use her stomach as a trampoline. The reason he is jumping from excitement? Star Jones is off the show!!!
Katie Holmes will be waiting backstage but will not be allowed to speak.
Former "The View" host Star Jones finally admitted to having her stomach stapled. Her only regret is that her ex-friend Rosie O'Donnell didn't do the same and staple her mouth shut.
Great news! Kurt Metzger has begun writing a How-To book about standup comedy! It's called "How To Do Comedy!" by Kurt Metzger. It is almost entirely lifted from the shitty book by Judy Carter about standup, except I made it better!
Here is an excerpt! Enjoy!
Chapter 1
P. 1- Intro.
Do you think you are funny? Are people constantly laughing and pointing at your many handicaps? Do people wet their pants when you say things, or sometimes laugh so hard that they wet your pants? Do you dream of having your own sitcom about your hilarious times growing up as a fat Italian even though you are black? Do you have what it takes to pay me upwards of 15 American dollars for a book about standup comedy? If the answer is yes, then you, sir, may have the dedication and substance abuse problem it takes to become a working, standup comic! If you do, read on, but only if you are indeed a sir and not a ma'am, as women are not funny. (More on this topic in Chapter 3: Women are more...
A new book entitled "My Booky Wook" is a memoir that details a comedian's addictions to sex, drugs, and stand-up comedy. "I hope it's a best seller," says author Ray Ellin.